A Secant Query

Between Deserving and Worth

Wherein moral beauty is not guaranteed...

Between Deserving and Worth

Does saying "they deserve it" feel weird to you?

All the Time

I can feel like I took two steps back and one step to the side each "worth it" escaping me. Importing, in most any contexts, sense of worth (ka-chunk) drops the experience right out of a spiritual sense - say, "flight" - and into material senses - "stock." A bird on a migratory flight dreams, stretching out their legs, and stalls, falling from the thermal they were riding; this bird may know the feeling.

How does it feel:

Will you be G-d a moment: ask me if being human was worth it to me.

Suspending knowing feels like the whole event. I like not knowing if being human(e) is (worth it (or) "worth it") - moral beauty isn't possible in a determedly-worthy space. Can it be worth it to not know? To walk past G-d, with an "Ah." for a response and "faithful servant" flair to don. Transition from life to the extralife a bank on mystery. Declaring experience deserving tastes of all-or-nothing (the judgment either correct or incorrect) - squeems me. Humanity is no test.

Humanity: the Test

This is it. Pitons dangle from about your thigh. You sink piton into the crack, tie rope in like innervation, climb, pause, now and then breathing. You make it to the top: it's (not) worth it; you climb down without summiting: it's (not) worth it. (To me, you come down, arrive with or without summiting - nothing is missing.)

A few of my circles some years ago worked out: "nothing is 'a waste of time' (not even to believe otherwise)" together. The insight rolled through, bits of interaction serve the observation. I note what "worth it" means: not deservedness, but whether what survives serves to tell.

Cycles Wasted

Is metabolizing "deserving help," as a phrase, "worth my time" - changing the way I receive the phrase where it's said? Does translating the phrase "worth it!" to "I am worth cherishing that experience" keep the memory open for surprise, to revisit it once and once again? Will not all time be worthy? As nothing is sure to be.

Time holds clear what the human experience wants more: more time to weave connections through these channels, to sit, a sense "worth it" falls from use, a translation ready to serve, full of care.

Tending Sense

Are other people deserving of translation? Do you ever dance with the words people have, practicing steps like winds practicing to be the oceans? Is it scary never understanding yourself enough? Do you ever wonder what this meant?

Sometimes I think I've written this before. Or I explained this to myself enough. "I still end up back here?" I take, here, my breath deep. Let the mystery be worth it. Feel the joy bring me pause.