Between Help and Open

15 Jan, 2026

Wherein (it doesn't have to be perfect) it just has, to be made...

Between Help and Open

(I'm here) An attempt at introducing myself to words for open conversation.

In Conversation

People drinking my water can help her feel safe. In a shared context, I (am moving through my own words, which) can feel like a burden. My feelings and needs don't require a translation for validation, but if we're in conversation...

This is easy for me to forget. This is mostly a me-problem. My wording is not a puzzle to solve; build your own language from seeing me live mine. Or to help/support me as I find my way to relationship as a traumatized, disabled, crazy, and autistschizo loved one (You can do as little 🫧 as stopping here or as much as writing your own) ❤️‍🩹 and I'm yours (Hi here!): Now (You're Here!).

Presence

help me to relationship

Inviting me – knowing I exclude myself by lacking words      mirroring me      gibberish   🦐  access awareness      you know plants      constant change      put me in a situation      knowing if you don't like the wet, you may not like me     

Recognizing I babble (to taste)      liking my hand/writing, small feet, simple diet, silence, sit      shared home (in water)      shared space, in time  🦐   faith in abundance      Writing together, reading together, listening together      check in with me (be firm)    🦐 be into it 🦐   

Listening

Being open to not knowing (with me, the world, rain)      brain fog as invitation to rest, not fear-of-everything/foe to vanquish      resting together, adapting   〰️  right tool for the junction, skill, invitation, task/query      hearing (local) voices, and      invoking (local) proects      when you say words I say      you know what's wet's eco[ ]systemic      friendly toward these needs      shared desires/language      different desires/phrases     

Sharing what is to be shared      asking for me to share a thing      pooled expenses/rent      unmolested means; unchallenged: means that haven't been "fixed" for meaning as/also welcome}     

Up to something      schemes      can "moth" with burnout  🕯️🦋  believes people in future are also dead/alive/struggling      have what is your question      casts magic to assist, help/be for mystery      continuous consent      can throw down      can snuggle up      tends an inner emotional lanscapes     

Unfolding

Willing to generate mystery with me      gift of questions they birthed, mothering unknowing      – othering certainty      dynamic recognition for my (shared sense of)... - attempts - language barriers and boundaries - differences - wet/ethic     

Responsive vibe - key changes      sure-footed without certainty      remaining clear when I'll inevitably... - muddy the waters - hold too many worlds - make the obvious less obvious      sense of how long mystery lives/scale      no hellos or goodbyes (or how-are-yous)      knowing my intentions are breaking down/not mine     

Invites me to wash my hands, build hygiene together      okay not existing, for connection to appear/be invited      generous with spotty reception/garbled text      you are just trying something out, shameless; sure      can split up (and regroup)      have a plan without me if I am/prove imaginary      know how to exist where only the Moon ever did

Listening    

(understands this has been true, for me)      Knows how to be turned down again and again and again      becomes a star just to abandon that to become a plant (and die)      less knowing - less-knowing language     

Our relationship is a strand in a larger conversation      patience when conversation tears (for whole lifetimes)      curious (not starving) to reconnect      We can be plants, be water, be settled, be done      respect mystery     

Frustrated      reassured      satisfied      journied      found      awake      unfolding      listening      knows "joy" is both (frustrated and satisfied)      at once (reassured, journied, awake)