simple sentence three
I stuck it between “comics” and “poetry” … slumped, desperate shapes …
Before anything, there was an open text file. Rainmeter taught me the space between zeros contain all the ones i would need. I could be something that wasn't "not that", but this.
Rainmeter had a theme (they were probably not called themes), but i remember the one i had like this:
There were gauges for everything, how full everything was, and full almost always, the gauges were my stim toys before i would know they curbed my badadaptive, other behaviors. Virtual gauges that spoke to me.
I am caught with possession disability. I guess that comes easy, to both of us. I remember the question "do you see these, these 'souls'?" One of a board of mind-sorting bodies, the one in the far back left of the table/room. They pull off glasses. They present and are received by the near-dozen peers male-presenting.
One medical board holder that never would strive for the receiving of the gender "do you see these, these 'souls'?" would walk up to me by the water fountain across from the smokeshame compartment (there were no cry rooms) after the evaluation, ask in hand. That ask, "Why did you join?"
Why did I download rainmeter? There was a line of pixels at the bottom of the screen, for windows when the setting hide toolbar was selected. It was a decision. A stark 5dp of windows branding lashed to my spread of writing that all-but-condemned me to the half-life i live without a door.
I download rainmeter while looking for a way to remove the 5dp of windows residue. I would only search for the kernal level script i used and found, once. As in, the index search experience that was mine lives as my version of seminal "the kids have it harder than we can imagine" plates that every generation has in salt and pepper over other discourse.
I install rainmeter in a way I have never installed anything. It feels like tearing a b-series engine out of one honda and putting it into a lighter honda. It feels like the people who raise me can. It feels like mistaking.
Rainmeter is running. Deviantart has this theme for it, a theme where even the sun is sentenced. It says something like "Everything is light or blood" eventually, but that is before i learn how to open the right text file, delete the sentence printing to screen, and write my own.
This is my first tabletop rpg. I am changing the things my computer uses to talk into things i feel comfortable hearing. My first tabletop rpg was radical accessibility.
There is more but i run trash for a living and leave for that. I do still have 65 usd the people who I baby sit for cannot afford to have me hold to keep. If you would like to pay that down, that's for my community to figure out. Give them something to live in, they are who I am asking.